THE MOST DANGEROUS WORDS

The two most commonly used—and most dangerous—words in any negotiation are: back out.

In real estate, deal sizes are massive. That alone amplifies emotions. Add timelines, family pressure, cash constraints, pride, and fear—and you’re no longer negotiating numbers. You’re negotiating egos.

At that level, even the smallest friction can ignite conflict.

Something as trivial as asking for 2 gov't-issued IDs—because the one submitted is a laminated senior citizen card—can suddenly feel hostile.

Now imagine this scenario:

Negotiations have gone far.

Terms have been revised multiple times.

Everyone is tired.

And for whatever reason, one party begins to hesitate.

The client turns to the broker and says something that sounds like:

“Maybe we should back out.”

And almost instinctively, many brokers relay it as:

“The buyers are thinking of backing out.”

This is where things break.

Those two words—back out—no matter how politely framed, land as a threat.

They are easily heard as:

“Take it or leave it.”

“You need this more than we do.”

Or worse: “You need the money.”

Once those words are out, the conversation is no longer about resolving gaps.

It becomes about saving face for the other party.

And when pride enters the room, rational negotiation leaves.

What brokers should never do

If your client expresses hesitation, never relay it as a threat.

Never use the words back out (or anything that resembles it).

What to do instead

Use ambiguity. Use silence. Use time.

Say something like:

“The buyer is considering your proposal.”

Then stop talking.

No follow-up.

No explanation.

No pressure.

Silence does something threats never can:

It creates discomfort—without hostility.

Waiting forces the other party to reflect:

Did we push too hard?

Are we about to lose this?

Should we adjust?

The absence of a threat keeps the door open.

The absence of urgency invites movement.

The real lesson

Negotiation is not about dominance.

It’s about preserving optionality.

And in real estate, where emotions are already running hot, restraint is often the most powerful move you can make.

(Actually, this post has a kwento behind it—but I’ll save that for another time.)